Utveckla coachningsfärdigheter

The video gives a topic overview and has a viewing time of around 5 minutes. The written learning guide offers a more in-depth exploration and has an approximate reading time of 10-15 minutes.

Learning objectives

By the end of this guide, you will be able to:

• Understand what makes coaching valuable and worth developing.

• Recognise the habits you'll need to unlearn.

• Use questions that open up thinking rather than lead to your answer.

• Listen properly and create space for people to think.

• Build awareness of when to coach and when to manage.

• Practise coaching skills deliberately to develop your capability.

Why this matters

From the previous guide on managing versus coaching, you know the difference. Managing is directive. Coaching is non-directive. Both are essential.

This guide is about developing the actual skills of coaching. Not just understanding what coaching is, but being able to do it.

Why bother? Because coaching builds capability in your team faster and more sustainably than telling ever could. When people figure things out themselves (with your support), they learn more deeply, own the solution, and can handle similar situations without you next time.

And whilst it requires unlearning some ingrained habits, the skills themselves are straightforward. You'll see impact quickly. With practice, coaching becomes more natural and, honestly, less draining than constantly having to solve everyone's problems for them.

What you gain from developing coaching skills

People become more capable

When you coach well, people develop their own problem-solving ability. They don't just implement your solution to this specific problem. They learn how to think through similar problems themselves.

This means they need you less over time. That's not a bad thing. It's the goal.

Solutions are often better

People closer to the work often have insights you don't. When you create space for them to think rather than imposing your answer, you get solutions that actually fit the context.

Your answer might be good. Their answer, properly thought through, is often better because they understand nuances you don't see.

People feel more valued and engaged

When you genuinely help someone think something through rather than telling them what to do, they feel respected. You're treating them as capable, not just following orders.

This builds engagement, confidence, and trust in your leadership.

You develop your own thinking

Coaching requires you to listen properly, ask good questions, and genuinely be curious about how someone else thinks. This develops your own capability to think more clearly and see situations from multiple angles.

It becomes easier, not harder

Initially, coaching can feel slower and more effortful than just telling someone the answer. But as people develop capability, they bring you fewer problems. You're not the bottleneck anymore. Over time, this is far less demanding than being the person with all the answers.

The habits you'll need to unlearn

You've probably spent years developing the habit of solving problems quickly and giving answers. This serves you well in many contexts. But it gets in the way of coaching.

Jumping in with solutions

Someone brings you a problem. Your brain immediately goes to the solution. You want to share it because it's efficient and you want to be helpful.

Coaching requires you to pause that impulse and help them think it through instead.

Asking questions you already know the answer to

You ask a question, but really you're leading them to your predetermined answer. "Have you considered doing X?" when X is what you think they should do.

This isn't coaching. It's telling with extra steps. Real coaching questions are genuinely curious about their thinking.

Filling silence

Someone pauses to think. The silence feels uncomfortable. You fill it with more talking, or you answer your own question, or you give them the solution.

Coaching requires you to get comfortable with silence whilst people think. We'll come back to this.

Rescuing people from struggle

You watch someone wrestle with a problem. It's uncomfortable. You know you could solve it in 30 seconds. So you take over.

Coaching means tolerating the discomfort of watching someone struggle, knowing that the struggle is where learning happens.

These aren't bad habits in general. They're valuable in many situations. You're just learning to recognise when to use them and when to do something different.

The core skill: asking questions that open up thinking

Good coaching questions genuinely explore the other person's thinking. They don't lead to your answer.

Open questions, not leading questions

Leading question: "Don't you think it would be better to do it this way?"

Open question: "What options are you considering?"

The first is trying to get them to agree with you. The second is genuinely exploring their thinking.

Questions that create space

Some useful coaching questions:

• "What have you tried so far?"

• "What's getting in the way?"

• "What would good look like here?"

• "What do you think would work?"

• "If you weren't worried about X, what would you do?"

• "What else could you try?"

• "What would help you move forward?"

These questions invite thinking. They don't have a right answer. They create space for the person to explore possibilities.

Follow their thinking, not yours

Listen to what they say and ask questions about their thinking, not about where you think they should go.

Them: "I'm not sure how to approach this conversation with the receptionist."

You (following their thinking): "What's making it feel difficult?"

Not: "Have you considered using the feedback structure we discussed?" (imposing your framework)

Ask one question at a time

Don't bombard people with multiple questions. Ask one. Wait for the answer. Listen. Then ask the next question based on what they said.

This allows thinking to develop rather than overwhelming them.

"What else?"

One of the most powerful coaching questions is simply: "What else?"

After they've shared one idea or one concern, ask "What else?" This often surfaces the real issue or the better solution that wasn't immediately obvious.

Listening properly and creating space

Coaching is as much about how you listen as what you ask.

Give full attention

You can't coach whilst multitasking. Stop what you're doing. Make eye contact. Show you're present.

If you're too busy or distracted to give proper attention, say so and schedule time when you can coach properly.

Don't interrupt

When someone is thinking out loud, let them. Don't jump in to correct, clarify, or add your thoughts. Just listen.

Even if they're going in a direction you don't think will work, let them finish their thinking. You can ask questions after.

Tolerate silence

When you ask a question and someone pauses to think, don't fill the silence. Count to five in your head if you need to. Let them think.

Some of the best insights come after a pause. If you fill every silence, you rob them of that thinking time.

This connects back to the habit of filling silence we mentioned earlier. The skill is learning to sit with the discomfort and let the other person use that space.

Listen for what they're not saying

Sometimes what someone doesn't mention is as important as what they do. "You've talked about the workload and the system, but you haven't mentioned the team dynamics. Is that not a factor, or is it harder to talk about?"

This kind of listening helps people explore aspects they might be avoiding.

Reflect back what you're hearing

"So it sounds like you're confident about the technical solution but worried about how people will react?"

This checks your understanding and helps them hear their own thinking, which often clarifies it.

Managing your own impulses

The hardest part of coaching isn't the technique. It's managing your own urge to tell, fix, or rescue.

Notice the impulse

You'll feel the urge to give the answer. That's normal. The skill is noticing it and choosing not to act on it.

"I know exactly what they should do here. But let me ask what they think first."

This internal pause is where coaching happens. You're choosing to hold back and create space instead.

Recognise your triggers

When are you most tempted to tell rather than coach?

When you're busy? When the person is struggling more than you're comfortable with? When you think they're going in the wrong direction? When the answer seems obvious to you?

Knowing your triggers helps you anticipate them and choose differently.

Separate your ego from their development

Sometimes you want to give the answer because it feels good to be the expert. That's human. But coaching means setting that aside and letting them have the insight.

Their development matters more than your moment of being clever.

Know when to step in

Coaching doesn't mean never telling. If someone is truly stuck, if they don't have enough information, if they're about to make a decision that will cause significant problems, you can step in.

"Can I share something that might help your thinking?" Then give input. Then go back to coaching mode.

The skill is knowing when stepping in serves their development versus when it just satisfies your need to help.

Building comfort with uncertainty and struggle

Coaching means sitting with discomfort. Theirs and yours.

Let people struggle productively

Watching someone wrestle with a problem can feel uncomfortable. You want to rescue them. But struggle is where learning happens.

As long as they're actively thinking and making progress (even slow progress), let them work through it. The effort they're putting in is building capability.

If they're genuinely stuck and the struggle has stopped being productive, then intervene. But don't rescue too early.

You don't need to know the answer

One of the most freeing things about coaching is that you don't need to have the solution. Your job isn't to solve their problem. It's to help them think it through.

"I don't know what the right answer is here either. Let's think about it together."

This is genuine collaboration, and it's often where the best solutions emerge.

Trust their capability

If you're coaching someone, it's because you believe they can figure this out. Trust that.

They might get there differently from how you would. They might take longer. They might find a solution you hadn't thought of. All of that is fine.

Your job is to support their thinking, not control their conclusions.

Practising and developing the skill

Coaching is a skill you develop through practice. You won't be brilliant at it immediately, and that's fine.

Start with low-stakes situations

Don't begin coaching in high-pressure moments or with critical decisions. Practise in situations where it's okay if it takes longer or if they don't get to the perfect answer.

Someone asks you a question you could answer in 30 seconds. Instead, ask "What do you think?" and coach them through it.

This builds your capability and their confidence in lower-risk contexts.

Try one coaching question

You don't need to do a full coaching conversation. Just try asking one good question instead of giving the answer.

"What have you already tried?" or "What do you think would work?"

Then actually listen to their response. See where it goes.

Small shifts accumulate. One question is better than none.

Notice what happens

After you coach someone, reflect on it. What worked? What felt uncomfortable? What did they figure out that you wouldn't have suggested? What did you learn about their thinking?

This reflection builds your capability faster than just doing it without thinking about it.

Ask for feedback

"I'm trying to coach more and tell less. How am I doing? Is it helpful or frustrating?"

Their feedback will tell you if you're genuinely helping them think or if you're being vague when they need clarity.

Be patient with yourself

You've spent years developing the habit of solving problems and giving answers. You won't unlearn that overnight.

You'll forget and just tell someone the answer. That's fine. Notice it and try again next time.

The skill develops through repeated practice, not perfection on the first attempt.

Celebrate progress

When someone solves a problem themselves after you coached them through it, acknowledge it. Not just to them, but to yourself.

"That worked. They got there. I didn't have to give them the answer."

This reinforces the value of coaching and motivates you to keep developing the skill.

Building awareness of when to coach

Coaching isn't appropriate for every situation. Part of developing the skill is knowing when to use it.

Coach when:

• The person has (or could develop) the capability to solve this themselves.

• Development matters more than speed.

• There are multiple good solutions.

• You want them to own the outcome.

• You have time to let them think it through.

Manage (tell) when:

• There's a safety issue or compliance requirement.

• They genuinely don't have the knowledge yet.

• Time is genuinely critical.

• You're accountable for the outcome and can't afford them to get it wrong.

• They've asked directly for your input or expertise.

The balance

Most conversations will involve both. You might coach them through the problem-solving, then manage by being clear about constraints or non-negotiables.

The skill is being deliberate about which you're using and why, not defaulting to one approach for everything.

Practical strategies: developing your coaching capability

1. Start with one question

This week, when someone asks you for an answer, try asking "What do you think?" before responding. Then actually listen.

Notice what happens when you create space for their thinking.

2. Count to five

When you ask a coaching question and there's silence, count to five before you speak again. This trains you to be comfortable with thinking space.

3. Notice your triggers

Pay attention to when you most want to jump in with the answer. When you're busy? With certain people? In certain situations?

Awareness of your triggers is the first step to managing them.

4. Practise deliberately

Choose one low-stakes situation this week to practise coaching. Someone brings you a minor problem. Coach them through it instead of solving it.

Reflect afterwards on what worked and what felt uncomfortable.

5. Ask for one piece of feedback

After you coach someone, ask: "Was that helpful, or would you rather I'd just told you what to do?"

Their answer tells you if you're genuinely helping or just being vague.

Viktiga punkter

• Coaching builds capability faster and more sustainably than telling. People learn to solve problems themselves, solutions are often better, and people feel more valued.

• You'll need to unlearn some habits: jumping in with solutions, asking leading questions, filling silence, and rescuing people from productive struggle.

• Good coaching questions genuinely explore the other person's thinking. They're open, they create space, and they follow their thinking not yours.

• Listening properly means giving full attention, tolerating silence, and resisting the urge to interrupt or fix..

• Managing your own impulses is the hardest part. Notice when you want to tell, recognise your triggers, and choose to create space instead

• Coaching means being comfortable with uncertainty and letting people struggle productively. You don't need to know the answer.

• Develop the skill through practice in low-stakes situations. Start with one coaching question. Build gradually. Be patient with yourself.

• Know when to coach (development matters, multiple solutions, they have capability) and when to manage (safety, compliance, genuine knowledge gaps, time-critical).

Actions: try this week

1. Ask one coaching question: When someone brings you a problem this week, ask "What do you think would work?" before giving your answer. Listen properly to their response.

2. Practise one silence: Ask a coaching question and count to five before you speak again. Notice how hard it is to stay quiet. Notice what emerges in that space.

3. Coach through one small problem: Choose a low-stakes situation and coach someone through it instead of solving it for them. Reflect afterwards: what worked? What felt uncomfortable? What did they figure out?

4. Notice your patterns: Pay attention this week to when you default to telling versus when you create space for thinking. What patterns do you notice? When is it easiest to coach? When is it hardest?