A dangerous liaison?

In this powerful and sensitive episode, Clare and Janet explore what happens when one person goes outside a relationship - whether through a consensual decision, a moment of vulnerability, or a secret affair. They unpack why non-monogamy happens, what emotional needs can fuel desire elsewhere, and why affairs often emerge not from malice but from unmet needs, escapism, loneliness or feeling unseen.

Drawing on years of clinical experience, they look at emotional affairs, opportunistic encounters, longstanding relationships, and situations where someone is discovering a polyamorous identity for the first time. They also discuss how cultural narratives, boredom, low self-esteem, systemic family patterns and fear of intimacy can all play a part in why someone crosses a boundary.

Clare and Janet make an important distinction between consensual non-monogamy - which requires communication, boundaries and trust - and secretive affairs that rupture the foundations of a partnership. They highlight the pitfalls, the emotional risks, and the need for honest, ongoing negotiation when a couple chooses to open their relationship or explore kink, desire differences, or sexual needs that don’t align.

The episode also offers a grounded, hopeful guide for couples dealing with the aftermath of betrayal. From the immediate crisis and the “howl of pain”, to understanding why it happened, to rebuilding trust and setting new agreements, Clare and Janet show that while recovery is hard, many couples can and do survive an affair - and sometimes emerge stronger.