Lust or bust

When sex starts to feel like another item on the to-do list, something important has shifted. In this episode, Clare and Janet explore why desire fades in long-term relationships - and why that doesn’t mean the relationship is broken. They trace the natural decline of early lust, the impact of life stress, resentment, routines and unmet needs, and the very human tendency to panic when sexual spark begins to wane.

They discuss how couples drift into taking each other for granted, how tiny moments of disappointment or feeling unseen can quietly accumulate, and why noticing these changes early matters far more than blaming yourself or your partner. Clare and Janet also highlight how desire is shaped by ageing, menopause, stress, shifting hormones and attachment patterns - and how couples often misinterpret these changes as personal rejection.

Central to the episode is a reframing of what it means to be “sexual”. Clare and Janet challenge the idea that sex only counts if it involves penetration, and instead encourage couples to reconnect through everyday intimacy: a touch in the kitchen, a lingering hug, a shared joke, a bath together, or simple affectionate play. These moments - not obligatory sex - are what rebuild closeness, reduce pressure and gently invite desire back into the room.

They also tackle obligation sex, mismatched desire, fear of initiating intimacy, and the worry that any physical closeness will automatically be assumed to “lead somewhere”. With warmth and humour, they offer practical ways to reset, renegotiate boundaries, talk honestly about what’s changed and rebuild a sexual connection that fits who you both are now - not who you were years ago.

Loving, compassionate and deeply relieving, this episode reminds us that losing lust isn’t a verdict. It’s a signal - and with the right conversations, intimacy, pleasure and connection can be rebuilt in ways that are richer and more authentic than before.